Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
