I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize