do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
