He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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