I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
