I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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