The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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