Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
