Just cropdusted the office
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
