covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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