i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
