You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
