sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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