Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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