I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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