Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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