I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
