Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
