So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
