Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
