she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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