3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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