some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
