i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
