Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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