Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
