she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
