I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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