I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize