WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
