had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
