Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She said her name was "party"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
