I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think my moral compass just broke
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
