Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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