ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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