We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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