I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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