Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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