I'm jealous of your bromance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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