Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
