I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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