my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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