we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
