Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
