I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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