I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
