she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
