i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize