Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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