btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
