i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
