But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Im part way to drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize