so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
