How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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