I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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