ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
