He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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