sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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