literally had 100 drinks last night.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
