how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
