Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
