Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
did i walk over a car last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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