"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
