I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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