Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
