my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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