shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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