sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
