I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
