yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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