6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
