My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
