Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
