Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
