when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
