i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
