well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
