Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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