Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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