try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
