there was a trapeze. enough said
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
