Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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