Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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