his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
