Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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