So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
