I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.