Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.

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  (508): You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life. http://tfl.nu/6ito
  Replies (10) Good night (958) Bad night (2591)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?

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  (802): Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation? http://tfl.nu/9fzj
  Replies (7) Good night (3217) Bad night (762)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

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  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (58) Good night (8331) Bad night (2079)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

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  (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e
  Replies (18) Good night (5141) Bad night (883)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

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  (867): lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it http://tfl.nu/o5td
  Replies (9) Good night (1699) Bad night (4212)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time

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  (315): I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time http://tfl.nu/omxi
  Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (2156)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (973) Bad night (4657)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.

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  (+44): One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend. http://tfl.nu/kcdy
  Replies (12) Good night (2463) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.

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  (540): Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place. http://tfl.nu/p2sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1704) Bad night (671)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.

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  (605): Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min. http://tfl.nu/hu1g
  Replies (2) Good night (1252) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"

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  (207): So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night" http://tfl.nu/8ia2
  Replies (5) Good night (1430) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea

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  (613): Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea http://tfl.nu/b2wl
  Replies (6) Good night (385) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

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  (510): She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again. http://tfl.nu/2r7a
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.

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  (760): Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back. http://tfl.nu/zq1q
  Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus

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  (304): I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus http://tfl.nu/js0c
  Replies (12) Good night (1664) Bad night (429)

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