woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?