I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
