Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.