do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
