pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
