The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
