You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
