I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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