This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
