did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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